Suggestions for new faculty hires at Texas Tech

I just saw the news that Alberto Gonzales was just hired to teach at Texas Tech. According to the Houston Chronicle, Mr. Gonzales .will teach one of those "special topics" courses "on contemporary issues in the executive branch." I do have to wonder how they let the man who helped craft torture policies for the previous administration and who suggested that there is no grant in the Constitution for habeas corpus, come and teach possible future lawyers. But then I thought that I could give some suggestions on other celebrities and prominent people out there that Texas Tech may want to consider adding to their faculty:

• Michael Vick could teach the class on "Care and Management of Companion Animals" (yes, this is an actual course at Texas Tech. See here).
• Bernie Maddoff could teach classes on finance and maybe a "special topics" class on financial ethics (actually, I looked in the Finance Department's page, and I did not find a single course description that somehow included ethics in finance. I am sure there is a class or two on ethics in philosophy, but it is clear we need to be teaching the future financiers how to have some common decency and ethics).
  
• Ted Stevens could teach a "special topics" class in computer science. After all, he is an expert on the Internet (link to YouTube).
• Sarah Palin could teach various courses. First, a geography class, since she can see Russia from Alaska. She could also teach on reading instruction (yes, there are courses on this) because when it comes to reading, she reads all sources (news sources anyhow. Link to her infamous by now interview with Katie Couric on YouTube).
• Jayson Blair can be hired to teach in the school of journalism.
• Mark Sanford could teach a class on travel and tourism. I am sure he has a good idea on how to get a good deal or two on overseas travel.
  

And I could go on and on. You get the idea. The point is I don't think that someone like Gonzales should be put in a position to educate future lawyers and politicians, unless it is to follow in his steps and the steps of the not so constructive administration he assisted. Would you put any of the above in the positions I suggest?